SUMMARY OF AUDIO PRESENTATION:
Some types of criticism not handled effectively can cause a lot of unnecessary suffering from hurt, pain, sadness to humiliation, possibly effecting self-esteem, relationships, performance in some contexts and more.
Today’s blog and audio is for effectively dealing with one-off criticism situations, if you are exposed to ongoing criticism at work, school or home that affects you adversely – please take action by seeking relevant professional advice.
Below is an NLP life coaching process that I have used with many clients and achieved amazing results alhamdulillah, below (and audio) is a summary of the process, please take it step by step and practice it till you get the results you desire.
EFFECTIVE PROCESS FOR DEALING WITH CRITICISM
WHAT’S THE ISLAMIC / PROPHETIC PERSPECTIVE?
The Prophet Muhammad in the early stage of his mission received much harsh criticism in different forms.
When we read about his approach, we find a lot of insights on how he dealt effectively with criticism. First and foremost effecting his capacity to manage criticism effectively was his internalised vision and mission in life as being a mercy to others regardless of the circumstances, he (pbuh) saw everything as a message and test from His Sole Guide/Teacher (Allah swt) – viewing events as always something for him to learn from in growth of his human qualities – whether it was patience, the ability to take strategic action, growing in strength and faith, mercy, love etc
Regardless of what was happening, he developed a strong ability to stay calm under pressure, and therefore respond calmly/patiently with his values, intelligence and wisdom.
His strong unshakeable self-identity played a huge role – he knew who he was and who he wasn’t, his identity remained unaffected.
On a personal note, I find it useful to ask when I receive criticism – is there a possibility that this is reminding me that I need to strengthen my self-beliefs/identity – for example, do I need to reinforce my belief (or create a new belief) that I am strong/intelligent/wise enough to….., patient, satisfied with who I am, what I do etc
The Prophet (pbuh) also had the higher awareness that his critics were expressing their own insecurities and fears, knowing this truth he never took the criticism personally, his role was to be solution oriented, to address their concerns/criticism, so he patiently worked at consoling minds and hearts, reassuring them, showing how his ideas/actions etc were not a threat but offered benefits and solutions.
6 STEPS TO MANAGE CRITICISM EFFECTIVELY:
1 – CHOOSE A SPECIFIC MEMORY that you were criticised about in the past, where you wish – you didn’t get stuck emotionally, take it personally, could react effectively (remain in good state so you can reply with calmness, rationality, wisdom etc) or not reply at all etc…
2. BE DISASSOCIATED – SEE THE MEMORY AS A MOVIE – WITH *YOU* in the movie. (Ie. Watching yourself ensures there are no feelings as you are not in the experience, you are simply watching yourself in it).
- Replay the whole scene.
- AS YOU WATCH YOURSELF – REFLECT ON AND EVALUATE THE CRITICISM:
- Is there any truth, validity in what I’m being criticised about? Does the criticism offer any relevant / useful information to me? How could I possibly benefit from this for my future?
- What is going on with the critic, what could be their intention/purpose for expressing this criticism? Why do you think they think & behave the way they do here?
- If there is no benefit /use you can think of – move on to next part –
4 – DECIDE ON YOUR IDEAL RESPONSE:
Consider how you wish to be, act, react, think, believe, speak and feel based on your highest values, instead of what happened. What’s your ideal response?
- Eg…”Thank you, your entitled to your opinion, I disagree …”(it’s totally up to you if you think its important to explain your position/view)…
- or “Thank you, your entitled to your opinion, I agree, its something I will consider improving inshallah etc…”
- or any response that satisfies your goal….
Having decided upon your ideal response, REPLAY THE MOVIE (disassociated) with the NEW RESPONSE (behaviour, thoughts, conversation, body language etc) seeing yourself in it, until what you see, say, hear from yourself is perfect to you.
Then step into the movie, so it’s live, feels real, replay it again, looking out of your own eyes at the other person and responding with your new insights, behaviour, communication style etc.
5. TEST IT OUT IN A FUTURE SCENARIO
Think of a future situation/time frame, where you might be criticised – watch the full movie, then step into it and replay the whole scene.
How does it feel? What’s different? What can you add/ change to improve it?
6. TO MAKE YOUR IDEAL RESPONSE AS A HABIT – so it kicks it automatically when you need it, MENTALLY REHEARSE /VISUALISE as per the above, at least 2x a day for a few weeks, each time enriching or generating new/better ideas. Remember to make the process as vivid and rich as you can.
If you have any questions/need assistance with any aspect of this mini-workshop, please feel free to contact me (details below).
Life Coach, NLP & Learning & Development Specialist